Setting healthy boundaries may not come easy to you, but it’s something that you can learn. Some people aren’t even aware that boundaries are necessary to protect your time, energy, emotional and physical wellbeing. We live in a fast-paced world filled with long to-do lists that leave us feeling burnt out and overwhelmed.
When we choose to set boundaries, we are telling others how we want to be treated by setting clear expectations and limitations. This is self-care. Each person will have different boundaries, and some will be more important than others.
Release any feelings of guilt and believe that it is healthy to prioritize your needs. Boundaries will create a space of separation, either physically or mentally.
1. Identify your boundary. Decide what boundary is necessary and communicate it clearly.
2. Understand why you need to set the boundary. Think about what is important to you and why you are putting these boundaries in place.
3. Be direct. Say what you mean and what you are thinking.
Examples of boundaries:
- I want to spend quiet time by myself. Taking time to be alone is an important part of self-care. It’s OK to protect your time.
- I would appreciate it if you asked me before hugging me. Not everyone is comfortable with being touched, and it’s fine to put your hand up and say you aren’t comfortable with hugs and possibly suggest another option, like shaking hands.
- Saying no. You may find it easier to sacrifice your own needs for your partner's out of fear of upsetting them. But, muster up the courage to say no and stick to it.
- Refusing to take the blame. Not everything has to be your fault just to keep the peace, it’s okay to hold the other person responsible.
- Expecting respect.
- Dictating your own feelings.
- Accepting help. We all need a little help, and it’s okay to accept when others want to come alongside you. This is not a sign of weakness.
- Asking for space.
- Communicating discomfort.
How to set boundaries:
1. Set aside time to talk. Setting aside time dedicated to a specific conversation about boundaries is better than casually mentioning it while driving in the car or in the middle of dinner on a whim, or even worse, in the middle of an argument. Dedicate specific time.
2. Be loving. Say everything with kindness and love, don’t be accusatory but rather explain the boundaries you are implementing for yourself.
3. Be assertive. Set clear expectations and stick to them. This is not a time to be passive. Explain that these boundaries are important to you, and you are asking them to respect them. Resist the urge to over-explain.
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When you set healthy boundaries, this will leave room for you to say yes to things you previously didn’t have room for. Pursue what brings you joy and surround yourself with those that will support your desire to nourish yourself.
“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end, and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.” ~ Henry Cloud
If you need more laughter today, check out our post that explains the health benefits of getting some giggles in!
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